John Tesh

Here’s a simple strategy for having a happier marriage: Say “thank you” more often… and whenever your partner does something nice for you, tell them you noticed and appreciate it.

In other words: Raise your game when it comes to expressing GRATITUDE. Because according to a study in the journal Personal Relationships, the more you show gratitude in your marriage, the happier and more valued your partner will feel. And even if you and your partner argue regularly, your gratitude may be the one factor that SAVES your relationship!

I know it sounds simplistic… but the psychologists who led the study say it makes a lot of sense. Because one of the top reasons couples break up is they get into what’s called a “negative conflict pattern” – where one partner makes a demand, and the other gets defensive or withdraws in some way… say, by silently holding on to resentment.

But researchers say, when partners feel valued by each other, they’re significantly more likely to stay committed to the relationship, even if they argue regularly. Because gratitude counteracts the effects of negative communication.

And the study found that feeling appreciated directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last.

Studies show that a clean home equals a clear mind…

Because clutter stresses us out. But there are certain types of cleaning that work better depending which headspace you’re in.

For example: If you’re feeling annoyed, do a deep clean. Like scour your tub or power-wash your patio. According to Melissa Maker who wrote “Clean My Space,” intensely cleaning something – then seeing the dramatic result – can bring you back to a neutral mindset. It releases endorphins, putting you on a more even keel.

Next, if you’re feeling anxious: Organize. Maker says, messiness over-stimulates the brain. And when you’re anxious, your brain is already over-stimulated. So organizing not only puts your stuff in order – it can put your thoughts in order, too. And to make sure organizing doesn’t overwhelm you, know that it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

The final way to clean to change your mindset: If you’re feeling lost and without direction or purpose: Purge. Happiness researcher Gretchen Rubin says creating physical space is transformative. You can’t move forward if there’s nowhere to go, right? So clearing things out and purging creates open space. That lightens your mental load and allows you to start fresh.

The last time you struggled to fall asleep, or stay asleep, what was the reason?

That’s what a new OnePoll survey of 2,000 adults wanted to know. And I don’t think it will surprise anyone to hear that ANXIETY was far and away the most common factor ruining most people’s sleep this past year! But the type of anxiety we’re experiencing is somewhat new:

Researchers say that for the first time, so-called “next day anxiety” is the top reason people can’t fall asleep these days. That refers to being uncertain about what tomorrow may bring. According to this survey, nearly half of us experience “next day anxiety” intensely enough to trigger regular insomnia.

That’s why it’s so important to relax your body and mind before trying to sleep. And it’s more than just keeping the bedroom a dark, quiet and cool.

For example, to reduce anxiety before bed, try deep breathing or meditation – which reduces your heart rate.

Also, smell lavender. It’s active ingredient calms the nervous system when inhaled.

And make a to-do list for the next day. That will help offload your worries onto a piece of paper so your mind can switch off.

What’s the formula for true happiness? That’s what researchers from Deakin University in Australia wanted to know. So, they surveyed more than 60,000 people over 15 years, and found there are three core elements that comprise, what they call, the “golden triangle” of happiness.

First: We need positive relationships. Harvard research found the happiest people tend to have the most quality relationships. And we don’t necessarily need romantic relationships to be happy. Instead, researchers say what matters is that the people around us are positive, empathetic and supportive.

Next, we need financial security for happiness. However, this report says the actual amount we make isn’t what matters… it’s whether or not we feel in CONTROL of our money. For example: If you’re living paycheck-to-paycheck, barely paying the bills, you probably won’t feel happy – even if you make a million dollars! Because stressing about money triggers a survival instinct.

The final happiness element is having a sense of purpose. Psychologist Dr. Patrick Hill says finding a direction for our life creates happiness, no matter how old we are when we discover what gives our life meaning. Having a reason to get out of bed every day also helps lower stress and makes us more resilient.

So, to recap: If you have positive relationships, financial security, and a sense of purpose, congratulations: You’ve found the golden triangle of happiness!

Researchers from Lehigh and Northwestern Universities say, being in the heat makes people crankier, less cooperative, and less likely to help others.

In one experiment, researchers looked at the behavior of sales people in stores during a summer heatwave. And the data showed that on really hot days, in stores with no air conditioning, sales staff were 59% less likely to ask customers if they needed help, make suggestions, volunteer assistance, or even listen to the customers!

In another experiment, students attended a class in either an air-conditioned room, or one with no AC, on a stiflingly-hot summer day. After the class, students were asked to stay and complete an optional 100-question survey to help underprivileged children. Well, the students in the room with AC answered most of the survey questions. Students in the room with no AC? They only answered 6 questions out of 100 before bailing.

The researchers say, people are less helpful when the weather is uncomfortably hot. And these findings carry over into the workplace. And if companies want the best from their employees, they should keep them cool and comfortable.

If you were about to face a stressful situation, with whom would you rather spend time beforehand: Your dog or your best friend? Well, in studies, people who hung out with their pet before a tackling a big task had a lower stress response than those who hung out with a human friend… Or even their family.

That’s according to research from psychology professor Robert Matchock from Penn State University. And any pet you love can have the same effect – from hamsters to parakeets. That’s because we worry about what another human will think of us. And no matter who it is, we have emotional baggage tied to them. Whereas with a pet, the love is unconditional and nonjudgmental.

Plus, we get a rush of positive brain chemicals when we hang out with a pet or look in their eyes. It makes people breathe more slowly, feel less tense, and feel less pain. And the best part is – it’s reciprocal. According to the journal Science, when your dog looks in your eyes, they get a dose of feel-good brain chemicals, too. And veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker says that loop of feel-good hormones is equivalent to being hugged by your mother, while eating chocolate, after winning money on a scratch-off lotto ticket.

If you want to lose weight – how much daily exercise do you need?

A new study from the University of Kentucky, Lexington found people who worked out vigorously for an HOUR EVERY DAY ended up losing weight, compared to those who only exercised a few times a week.

It’s down to something we’ve talked about before: The “licensing effect.” That’s when you pat yourself on the back for doing something virtuous – like exercising – and give yourself license, or permission, to indulge in another way – like eating more.

That’s why people who exercise tend to eat more to make up for it. So those who only worked out a couple times a week canceled out any calories they burned… But only up to a point.

Those who exercised DAILY ended up burning more calories than they consumed – even though they were eating more.

And it matters whether the exercise is intense, too. Because intense workouts raise levels of the appetite-suppressing hormone leptin, which doesn’t happen with light exercise.

The research found that weight-loss sweet spot is an hour of moderate to intense exercise a day… and aim to burn 3,000 calories through exercise every week.

Here are two ways to feel happier, fast:

First, give someone a compliment. The National Institute for Psychological Sciences found that giving a compliment has as big of a positive impact on a person as receiving one. It activates the same area of the brain as giving a gift – or giving to charity. And you don’t even need to give that compliment in person. Sending a text praising someone makes you feel just as good. It works by making us feel more connected to others – and feeling connected is linked to long-term happiness.

Another way to feel good fast: Take a minute to appreciate nature, even right outside your back door. Admiring a sunset, watching birds go by, or seeing the leaves of a tree rustle in the breeze erases negative thoughts and replaces them with positive emotions. Stanford University scientists call it “green therapy” – and it can even improve your memory! Because our brain is hardwired to pay more attention when we’re focused on the beauty around us. So try a little green therapy to bust out of a bad mood!

If you’ve got high blood pressure, or your numbers are creeping up, doctors universally suggest exercise. Because numerous studies show that taking regular walks, for example, can make blood vessels and arteries more flexible, so blood flows more easily, reducing the risk for heart disease.

But new research from the University of Saskatchewan shows you’ll get even better results by stretching! Everything from simple leg, arm and back stretches, to yoga and pilates. Kinesiology professor and lead researcher Dr. Phil Chilibeck says stretching your muscles ALSO stretches your blood vessels, which reduces arterial stiffness. And more-flexible arteries means better blood flow, and improved blood pressure.

This particular study found that those who stretched had better blood pressure than those who walked. BUT the walkers lost more body fat around the waist.

That’s why Dr. Chilibeck says the best way to lower blood pressure is to stretch AND do aerobic exercise most days of the week. He recommends spending a full 30 minutes walking, running, swimming, hiking, or biking. Then, adding at least 10 minutes of stretching, concentrating on the muscles in your legs. That’s because our legs have the largest muscle groups in the body. So flexible leg arteries trigger the biggest reduction in blood pressure.

Experts at UC Davis say, because of all the extra stress in the past year, more people than ever are fighting a serious loss of sleep.

Angela Drake is a clinical professor in the Department of Behavioral Sciences. She says, it’s a problem across all age groups – and the increase is enormous. Basically, the added stress tells your brain there’s a threat in your environment, which keeps your brain on high-alert, which isn’t conducive to sleep. So, here are some tips to help you get the rest you need:

First: Don’t lie awake in bed or it could become a habit. Instead, if you’ve been in bed awake for 20 minutes, get up and do something relaxing, like reading or journaling, until you start to feel drowsy.

Another sleep-booster: Exercise during the day. It triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to lower heart rate and blood pressure and increase feelings of calm.

Finally: Dr. Drake recommends what’s called “box breathing” to calm the mind. Just breathe in through your nose for 4 counts. Hold your breath for 4 counts. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 counts. Then, wait for 4 counts, and breathe in again. And visualize a box, tracing one side of the square for each four-second interval. And repeat box breathing until you feel calm, relaxed, and ready for sleep.