Mariah Carey reveals why she goes all out during the holidays

Mariah Carey is nearly synonymous with Christmas thanks to her music, television specials, recipes, merchandise and, of course, all those festive memes. But, in a new interview, the singer opened up about why she continues to make the holidays such a big deal.

She tells Entertainment Tonight that she was unable to enjoy the lavishness of Christmas when she was a child because she grew up in poverty. But, instead of becoming bitter over what she didn’t have, it fueled her desire to make Christmas even more special.

“In my memoir [The Meaning of Mariah Carey,] I talk about how when I was a little kid, growing up with no money, growing up being mixed, not understanding, having identity issues, and then going through my career and the different things that have happened, that I never even talked about to even some of my best friends,” she confesses. “When I wrote about Christmas, I was like, ‘Oh wait, I don’t want to bring people down,’ ’cause this seemed like depressing stuff that happened.”

Mariah says that has “motivated” her to “really go all the way in every Christmas, every year.”

And, while she “wants my kids to have the best time,” the pop star admits that, when it comes to indulging in the holidays, “A lot of it is for me.”